Now listen. I like football. Really, I do. But I just can’t get into this year’s match-up between the Steelers and Packers. True, it should be a great game with two powerhouse teams with oodles of history behind them and some of the most crazy, passionate fans in the NFL.
Maybe it’s because I’ve recently shoveled enough snow here in New Jersey to start my own little Alpine Ski Village and I'm just too busy. Maybe it’s because I’ve been preoccupied with wiping a six-year-old’s nose for the past few days.
I’ve made a list of things to do instead of watching the Super Bowl on Sunday. Each item is more riveting than the next, so I’ll likely continue this list during the NBA Finals, or the Stanley Cup Playoffs, unless, of course, MY TEAM is in the game:
1. (For the East Coast and Midwesterners only.) Take down the outside Christmas decorations. Sure, they are mostly buried under 18 to 36 inches of snow, but think of the fun you can have trying to find them! On second thought, maybe just leave them up and pretend they are Valentine’s Day decorations, until the thaw hits.
2. Prepare for tax season. Super Bowl Sunday is a great day to prepare all the paperwork, receipts and other detritus from your 2010 tax year, uninterrupted. What joy! Better make sure the calculator has batteries.
3. Clean the dryer vent. This is a fire hazard and is very important. Never mind moving the appliance, disconnecting it and inhaling particles of lint up your already stuffy nose. When you do this, you are getting exercise and avoiding danger. Think of it as an adventure, like running from the bulls at Pamplona, except at home.
4. Re-caulk the bathtub and shower. Come on. You know it has to be done. No one will be bathing while the Super Bowl is on, so now’s your chance. Think of the fun and satisfaction you'll have checking this item off your “honey do” list along with the mastering the challenge of getting the caulk off of your hands, shirt and favorite pair of jeans.
5. Clean the junk drawer. Quick! Do you know where the masking tape, crazy glue or scissors are? Can you find a pen that works among the drawer of soy-stained take-out menus and expired coupons? If you answered yes to these questions, there is something wrong with you. If no, you can rest assured that, when done, you will revel in the sharp, crisp signature you can now make from a pen full of ink, as you write out your next electric or gas bill.
6. Purge your closet. What a great way to start the new year! Discover how much weight you’ve really gained as you sort through hundreds of dollars worth of clothing that no longer fits. BONUS: This is a great way to justify NOT going to a Super Bowl Party and eating all those nachos, and drinking all that beer.
7. Call an annoying friend. Think of it as a public service. This person doesn’t need to burden someone else at a Super Bowl Party with tales of unrequited love, bankruptcy or an undiagnosed acid reflux disorder. Bless your soul.
8. Organize Photos. Begin with the 3,300 digital images on your smart phone or digital camera. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t finish. You can tackle (a pun!) the shoeboxes and paper bags of pictures from the last 20 years of your life next year, during the Summer Olympics.