Monday, June 6, 2011

In Praise of Weeds (the nuisance plants, not the show or illegal substance)


As a suburban homeowner, I should make this clear. I’ve purchased Round-Up, and I’m not afraid to use it.

But I appreciate the likes of dandelions, chickweeds and their ugly cousins hairy fleabane and oxalis more and more these days. Those unsightly, haphazard and intrusive bits of greenery that pepper a lawn with uneven patches, varied textures and irregular blends of color are truly part of the natural order of things.

They are part of the “big picture” of life.

Of course, I don’t always like weeds when I’m gardening. But when I’m pensive or feeling philosophical, I tend to see things differently. It is then that I like weeds for what they represent: rebellion, non-conformity, imperfection. I appreciate them for what they say as they poke through the cracks of my sidewalk or my patio.

Weeds are nature’s Post-It Notes. The small ones whisper, and the large ones shout: “YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL HERE!”

Sometimes, we need to be reminded that perfection is an illusion, that control is relative. 


In the past two weeks, I’ve been delayed by bad weather, a power outage, a sewer back-up, and a dead car battery. I know others who have had more dramatic weeds in their lives recently—health problems that were ignored for too long and turned into something serious, poor choices that delayed new beginnings and healthy growth, bitterness that escalated into financial consequences.

We all have weeds in our lives.

Some weeds we share over lunch or complain about at the water cooler. Some weeds we hide to mask our imperfect lives and to maintain the persona we have created for the world at large—on Facebook or in our own relationships. But what weeds tell us is that these problems and issues are things that bind us together in our inability to fully control our own universes. Whether it’s the imperfect husband who strays, the child who gets into trouble, the old friend who disappoints, there are remedies for each of these situations and usually part of the remedy involves self-reflection, adaptation and acceptance.

Here’s what else I’ve learned from weeds. Sure, you can pull them, but unless you treat the root they will grow back, sometimes stronger, larger, uglier. And not all weeds are ugly. Some have pretty flowers of lilac and gold, some have white feathery petals that seem heaven sent.  It's as if, by noticing the pretty weeds, we are reminded that sometimes even what's unexpected or unwanted can bring beauty, joy or color to our lives.

Dealing with weeds is a personal matter. We can keep them small and manageable, coexist with them and trim them back from time to time. If we have the energy, we might even spray a little Round-Up on them or dig down to the core when they bother us too much. Or, depending on our state of mind, we might even start seeing them as everyday reminders that imperfection is a natural state for living things—and finally embrace that.

Friday, February 4, 2011

8 Things to Do Instead of Watching the Super Bowl


Now listen. I like football. Really, I do.  But I just can’t get into this year’s match-up between the Steelers and Packers. True, it should be a great game with two powerhouse teams with oodles of history behind them and some of the most crazy, passionate fans in the NFL.

But….meh.

Maybe it’s because I’ve recently shoveled enough snow here in New Jersey to start my own little Alpine Ski Village and I'm just too busy. Maybe it’s because I’ve been preoccupied with wiping a six-year-old’s nose for the past few days.

No matter.

I’ve made a list of things to do instead of watching the Super Bowl on Sunday. Each item is more riveting than the next, so I’ll likely continue this list during the NBA Finals, or the Stanley Cup Playoffs, unless, of course, MY TEAM is in the game:

1. (For the East Coast and Midwesterners only.) Take down the outside Christmas decorations. Sure, they are mostly buried under 18 to 36 inches of snow, but think of the fun you can have trying to find them!  On second thought, maybe just leave them up and pretend they are Valentine’s Day decorations, until the thaw hits.

2. Prepare for tax season. Super Bowl Sunday is a great day to prepare all the paperwork, receipts and other detritus from your 2010 tax year, uninterrupted. What joy!  Better make sure the calculator has batteries.

3. Clean the dryer vent.  This is a fire hazard and is very important. Never mind moving the appliance, disconnecting it and inhaling particles of lint up your already stuffy nose. When you do this, you are getting exercise and avoiding danger. Think of it as an adventure, like running from the bulls at Pamplona, except at home.

4. Re-caulk the bathtub and shower. Come on. You know it has to be done. No one will be bathing while the Super Bowl is on, so now’s your chance. Think of the fun and satisfaction you'll have checking this item off your “honey do” list along with the mastering the challenge of getting the caulk off of your hands, shirt and favorite pair of jeans. 

5. Clean the junk drawer.  Quick!  Do you know where the masking tape, crazy glue or scissors are? Can you find a pen that works among the drawer of soy-stained take-out menus and expired coupons? If you answered yes to these questions, there is something wrong with you.  If no, you can rest assured that, when done, you will revel in the sharp, crisp signature you can now make from a pen full of ink, as you write out your next electric or gas bill.

6. Purge your closet.  What a great way to start the new year!  Discover how much weight you’ve really gained as you sort through hundreds of dollars worth of clothing that no longer fits. BONUS: This is a great way to justify NOT going to a Super Bowl Party and eating all those nachos, and drinking all that beer.

7. Call an annoying friend.  Think of it as a public service. This person doesn’t need to burden someone else at a Super Bowl Party with tales of unrequited love, bankruptcy or an undiagnosed acid reflux disorder. Bless your soul.

8. Organize Photos. Begin with the 3,300 digital images on your smart phone or digital camera. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t finish. You can tackle (a pun!) the shoeboxes and paper bags of pictures from the last 20 years of your life next year, during the Summer Olympics.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Truth About Life

No one tells you that life is what you make it.  It can be difficult or challenging, but it need never be misery. It can be draining or exhausting, but it need never possess your spirit or your will.

No one tells you these things because you have to embrace such truths on your own, or the power of the lesson is lost.  No one tells you because, frankly, you’d never believe them.

You have to live it.

Chances are, by age 30, you’ve most likely experienced at least one rotten reality of life. Maybe it’s a broken relationship or a failed job, a bad diagnosis, or a tragic loss that shatters your world (or what you thought was your world) into pieces. Yep. All it takes is three decades and we’ve  generally experienced some part of the requisite suffering that human beings endure while on earth. Nobody understands it, except to presume it is all a part of the natural disorder of life – the curve balls that we face in the full count of human existence.

While living through the immediate challenges of living, hardly anyone is able to imagine discovering a pearl within the slop that life has hurled at them. It would not be healthy to do so right away. It would not be natural or healthy, say, for the newly divorced single mother who has lost her job and her daycare provider to see rainbows during the storm.  We all grieve as the rain pours down.

Yet, once the destruction passes, a glimpse of possibility is revealed — but only if we are willing to receive it. And that is our choice, and the only thing which separates those who rebound and rebuild from those who collapse and give up.

Rebuilding after tragedy is something humans instinctively do, something innate in our DNA that compels most of us to reach higher even when the ladder has been kicked from beneath us. In time, we construct another.

The resilience, the spirit, the desire to overcome is always there, if you can just find the one voice, the one truth in your life that can summon it.

If you are still standing, that’s a good first step